Friday, September 28, 2007

Much has changed since I moved to California.

For instance, as I got in my car this morning to go to work, I realized I needed to pick up my laundry from the laundromat. No, not my dry cleaning. My laundry. Meaning, I have actually resorted to dropping off baskets of clothes for them to wash and fold so that all I have to do is come by the next morning and pick them up.

I would never have done this back home. EVER.

My parents are coming in town this evening and I can't help but think of how different my life is since I left Kansas a little over a year ago. Most of it is change for the better. I feel like my future is wide open with possibilities that I've never considered before. My days are filled with sun, new friends and sounds of the ocean. But there are things that I miss like ... simplicity, open roads, rain, family, the comfort of my past.

I pray that, in letting go, I'm allowing myself room to become someone that I've always longed to become. My fear, however, is that I could be letting go of the very things that have made me who I am ... and the very things that people around me need.

For now, I'm ok with replacing my former chores with a bit more time in the evenings. Thanks 4th street Laundromat for helping me become a better person :)

Friday, September 21, 2007

Fridays. Fall. Frolicking (hey, it was an F word ... it could have been worse).

It's the one morning I treat myself to the delicious aroma of Starbucks. Much to my delight, my friendly baristas greeted me with a familiar smile AND the sweet return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte.

I don't remember getting this excited last fall about the tasty orange beverage in my tall, environmentally conscious, cup. Perhaps it was because it was my first non-fall in California and I refused to play along with the allusion that the weather was changing. OR it could have been the obvious burn out from having spent my entire fall and winter devoted to making these tasty treats for our loyal guests.

Nevertheless, this Friday marks my first morning of crisp air, scents of spice and a hint of anticipation that ushers in ... fall.

Don't worry, I'm not delusional enough to think that our "cold front" of 65-70 degrees is an invitation to bust out the scarves and stocking caps (although my fellow Californians think otherwise).

Instead, I will retreat for a weekend in October to a little place called New York City ... all thanks to my incredibly intuitive boyfriend who picked up on my obsession with fall and my sadness that it doesn't truly exist here.

Autumn in New York? I'm in. Until then ... my cooler nights and spiced lattes will have to do!

Oh, and even though it doesn't fit with my earlier theme ... I heart NYC. ;)

Wednesday, September 19, 2007



i had a meeting last saturday.

on a roof. in downtown l.a.

this marked the beginning of many conversations that ...

will undoubtedly change the world.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

it occurs when someone you love sees the same reflection in the mirror, but stands next to you anyway ... fighting for the person that lives beyond the surface.
mir·ror :: /ˈmɪrər/[mir-er]
1. to mimic or imitate (something) accurately
2. to be or give a faithful representation, image, or idea of

I looked in the mirror this morning and was completely disgusted with the reflection. My body ached of disappointment and my face was a reminder of the person I am just below the surface.

I realized this morning how incredibly selfish I am. My uncanny ability to think that I'm entitled to certain things or that I can do something but judge others when they do it is sickening. Am I the only on that's that shallow?

Worse than that, I woke up knowing that there are people around me who love me unconditionally, even when I choose myself over them.

I missed an opportunity last night to be a person of integrity and intentionality. I let uncontrollable obstacles ruin my evening and consciously made the decision to focus on the fact that I didn't get my way, despite the way it made those around me feel.

This selfishness runs deep. Far deeper than what my mirror will ever reflect. There has to be a way out ...

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

9.11

I miss the patriotism. The passion. The purpose we all felt in rebuilding our communities.

We became rebels in our own land that day.

As rebels, we fought so hard to stick it to the man and move towards domination of the things that robbed us of our values. We were very aware of what we were fighting against. But there came a point when the line became blurred and we forget what we were actually for.

I remember the days after 9-11-01. I was surrounded by people who were certain that what they were for was justice, freedom, community and an unbridled patriotism. Now, six years later, those same people are no longer petitioning congress, inviting neighbors over for a summer BBQ or proudly flying their American flags.

Today, I'm at the same cross roads. In my passionate pursuit to change all the things I hate in the world, I've forgotten what my motivation was. And worse ... what I'm fighting for ...

Today I remember the death of a friend who fought for a better future on the battlefields of Iraq.

And today, I begin asking myself ... for what am I willing to lay down my life?

Tuesday, September 4, 2007



Messenger: Who does this woman think she is that she can speak among men?
Queen Gorgo: Because only Spartan women give birth to real men.
Spartan King Leonidas: You come to my city bearing the skulls of conquered kings, you insult my queen, you threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same.

The King fights for his queen and knows she is a crucial part of his epic tale. He can't do it without her and she is empowered to engage in battle. She's strong, courageous and captivating.

The perfect example of the question I've been asking myself for years:
If men would be gentlemen, would women be ladies?

I think they would. And when they do ... they'll know this one is different.