I've always been one to rock the boat a little ... ok a lot.

I've also been known to be a bit ambitious, passionate, and at times maybe too aggressive.

But as I was sitting in a hotel room last week ... alone (that was for dramatic effect), I realized how stinkin' exhausted I was. I mean, here I was in the middle of no man's land and 24 years worth of comments started rushing through my brain! How annoying. I picked up the phone and called Cliff in hopes that talking would get my mind off of real issues (which we end up talking about anyway). That's what friends are for right?

He didn't fail me.

With each sob story about how hard it is to survive in this world (envision close camera angle on my face and soap opera music in the background), he gave me a friendly "uh-huh" until I felt I had justified my reason for feeling sorry for myself. And of course I ended each sentence with my usual, "but I'll get over it. just give me a few hours." (putting my hand to my forehead ... naturally)

Then ... he asks, "what are you trying to prove?" (music screeches to a halt)

Geez. Throw me a bone here ... I'm obviously trying to feel sorry for myself, not deconstruct my thought process from the past 24 years.

So I thought about it (ha) And in my mind I actually answered the question automatically: I'm trying to prove that I'm more than what meets the eye. I'm more complicated than the runway model my family wanted me to be, more intelligent than middle school teachers thought and definitely strong enough to stand up to another man who treats me disrespectfully. What ended up coming out was (in lu of my brother's graduation and incredible accolades): I'm trying to prove something to my family, I guess.

"are they even paying attention to you?"

Crap.

No. And why would they? They already have me in their minds where they want me. Anything I do on top of that isn't extra credit. I'm running in 2 billion different directions trying to figure out where I can surprise people ... where I can prove that I'm more than an object.

The fortunate truth is that not everyone sees us like those who have created emotional scars in our lives. In fact the handful of people who actually think that of us, most-likely don't think of us as often as we think of proving them wrong. More importantly, they stopped getting to really know you way back when too.

Not everyone sees us with such a limited perspective and they are waiting patiently on the side-lines for us to get a grip and contribute all our energies into that which we were created for.

(cue upbeat music as girl gets off of hotel bed - waded up tissues falling to the ground)

So this is what I'm aiming for: being intentional about choosing the place where I am most alive and pouring everything I am into it.

I'm not fooling myself (or trying to fool you) that I won't have my hands in more than one project ... Arranger and Achiever are in my top 5 on the Strengths Finder, so the madness isn't going to stop. But the pressure to try and prove myself will hopefully diminish as well as my fear of admitting when things are difficult (no matter how strong I want you to think I am).

Question: How do you stay focused on being you?