i haven't posted anything for a while and i have a few excuses:

1. grad school has completely consumed every ounce of my brain activity, thus making it impossible to produce anything coherent in the past two weeks unless it pertains to business ethics or servant leadership.

2. i don't feel i have much to contribute in terms of entertainment, wisdom or information, so blog topics seem a bit scarce.

3. my free time has been limited ... very limited ... which brings me to my main point i suppose.

this week has been full of realizations. the most life-changing ... i need to slow down. i know that some of you may think that i'm a complete whimp but here's the deal ... i'm taking two graduate school classes per quarter, working a full time job that demands much of my thought life and energy, am spending 13 hours each Sunday at Mosaic serving in multiple capacities and have brilliant friends and an incredible boyfriend whom i try and make time for when i can on friday and saturday evenings.

my problem: i'm doing so much that i've forgotten why i'm doing them. i'm passionate about all of the things that i give myself to, no one would argue that. but there is a fine line that i always seem to walk that takes me from leadership to robot.

i care about people. i know it may be hard to believe, but i really do. i hear what they have to say, i experience life with them and then i do what i can to create space for them to experience something extraordinary ... something that they can be a part of that will point them to who they were made to become.

but when i'm this busy ... i forget what i'm fighting for because i don't have the capacity to engage in the communities in which i'm a part of. and to be honest, i'm not even an effective leader anymore because that would mean that i'm meeting the needs of those around me and i don't have even have time to have a brief conversation, let alone go on a journey with them.

and that's a problem.

so i'm minimizing as much as i can.

i'm understanding that it makes no sense for me to try and do everything because at some point, i'll have nothing of substance to give. for once, i'm not satisfied with a full schedule.

because at the end of the day, i want to be certain that the people in my life know that i care about them. they have to know that i care more about them than i do leading them.