It was my first major holiday away from Kansas and all of my relatives and most certainly the first holiday that I've spent watching the sun set over the Pacific ocean while eating turkey and stuffing in 70 degree weather.
Yeah. No need to feel sorry for me.
But I learned something really important this year (which is probably why it has taken me so long to write).
I have a difficult time understanding that people actually love me and that not everyone is out to get me. It's much easier for me to be upset or aggravated all the time. It gives me a reason to fight harder (as if that's actually doing anyone any good because I end up fighting people instead of fighting for people).
I digress.
But do you know what's worse? I'm afraid that if people get to know the real me, the me that longs for romance and love and adventure and to belong, that they will see me as weak (which, as some of you know, is so NOT the image I try so desperately to portray). If they don't see me as tough and independent and capable of taking on the most difficult of tasks, how will I ever reach my goal of running a company ... of changing people's lives ... of ...
The truth: I don't have it all together (I can't believe I posted that on the web). And I could use a little help from people that love me every once in a while (ack again) ... knowing that that doesn't make me a failure ... it makes me human.
For that I'm thankful.
It's good to know that the goodness of Thanksgiving lasted longer than my turkey coma this year.
5 comments:
Beautiful and mature post. It is so hard to acknowledge our humanity at times. We want to be invincible and perfet, but admitting our imperfection makes us so much stronger, more understanding, more beautiful...
Don't forget that you have people in your life that would be flattered (yes flattered, not annoyed or disappointed) to have you rely on them, and I hope you see me as one of them.
i love you. will you marry me?
haha! of course i will ... OR we could just be sisters ... that may work out better :)
Transparent... I imagine those words are hard for you to write. Thanks for the honesty... it makes me wish I was more honest with myself.
good stuff mr. rinke.
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