i am officially a quarter of a century old.

i feel much better about my ongoing quarter life crisis now that it's legitimate.

this year was weird because 25 is such a highly anticipated birthday. i tried to get really pumped up about it and get the celebration to stretch out for a week, but i've been really stinkin' busy. i'm sure when i get back from my trip i'll want to celebrate again because i'll be able to focus on it, but for now ... i'm just trying to make it through the day without having a heart attack.

i have even been revisiting my thoughts as a child and teenager about where i thought i'd be when i turned 25. geez, that seemed so far away back then. i remember wanting to be like the leading lady in a movie that lived in a big city and traveled the world. oh, and finds love somewhere in the midst of her independent life. and i think 24 paved the way for that ...

it began with a trip to the taj mahal on febuary 14th 2007 and has continued to be an adventure since. i saw the fruition of my dream to lead worship at mosaic and just as quickly as it came, i saw it leave. i struggled even more with questions about ministry and how we keep people motivated and passionate about this thing called the Church. i developed a hearing impediment to the voice of God after feeling a bit burned by His people and then quickly realized that if i didn't get it fixed, i may meet my demise prematurely. i learned more about myself than i think i ever cared to. i took my job to the next level and figured out what i do and don't want out of a career. went to san diego, mexico, toronto, new york, kansas, austin, st. louis and am leaving in two days for india and china. i met the love of my life. started grad school. dreamed bigger dreams. moved into a loft in downtown l.a. started taking the train to work. and realized a few things that have been holding me back from living a life of passion all while wearing high heels and carrying a cup of coffee.

but the most important thing ... is that there isn't anything that i haven't done that i thought i'd be doing by now. i am living the life i set out to live and that feels ... terrifying ... ironically.

"i’m afraid that if my dream is realized, i’ll have no reason to go on living." the alchemist

do you ever feel like that? i mean, what do i dream about now? i'm a little afraid to make new dreams and bigger goals for myself because the things i care about accomplishing now seem much more difficult than all the others.

like being more intentional, focused, compassionate and loving. or to be able to put other people before myself. to let go. take bigger risks in my career and for the Kingdom. communicate more effectively.

this year will undoubtedly be another year of development and humility but also a year of great momentum through new beginnings.

sooo ... here's to being 25 :)