thanks to the wonders of the internet, i was able to reconnect briefly with a good friend from high school today.

i stalkishly follow her profile on facebook to see how she is and look through her updated pictures of her two little kids and the house her and her husband live in. it's the life she always wanted. the life she dreamed of.

in our mini instant message conversation, i told her that i sometimes find it odd that i'm living such a different life from the one her and i grew up having. i didn't choose to stay in kansas and raise a family. i didn't choose to stay near family (not because i don't like them ... it was more because i felt i could take care of myself in my naivete). and sometimes i wonder how my life would look if i did what everyone else around me was doing. i wonder if i would have always dreamed of the life i have now. i wonder if i'd regret every second of my decision to stay where i was when something always seemed to be calling me elsewhere.

as i was speaking with her, i realized i have never been able to complete a thought of my life without l.a., my friends here, vince, my international adventures, the spiritual, social and emotional paradigm shifts i've gone through ...

which makes me think that i made the right decision ... for me.

i haven't spoken to her for about four years and she made a comment that blew me away ... she said, "you were always too big for this place. it was almost like you were living in a bubble and knew there was more."

did she know something about me from years ago that i still have yet to believe about myself? what is it that sets someone else a part from the rest? why have i not fully embraced the person i so desperately want to become ... the person that has been there my entire life, but has yet to be fully awakened ...