i was looking through an old journal and came across a few things that didn't even sound like something i would write.

it was so articulate and passionate. shockingly well written.

i felt a bit ashamed that i've regressed so much in my ability to communicate my thoughts with such clarity. but more surprising was my increasing awareness of how passionate i was about the local church and what we could have been doing to maximize our potential and expand out influence.

this passion ... i feel like it has been buried just below the surface. perhaps from the years of people telling me i was too forward and too challenging in response to what i was most passionate about. or maybe it's subsided after having been away from the traditional church (or at least the church that i'm most familiar with) for a few years.

i've experienced unexpected moments when what matters to me comes in full view and this passion i feel i've lost become my best friend again. those moments, i've found are when i'm traveling, when i'm advocating (or when i see an injustice occur) and when i'm a part of a movement that brings the inherent talents of others together to work towards a common goal.

i'm assuming all of these thing combined caused the tension that was then my passion. i suppose what i need now is to find the place where my passions align with my actions. apparently ... according to my old musings ... this is when i'm most alive and consequently most effective.