among all the stars, it shone the brightest.
i wonder how often i miss the moments where others are exploding with wonder and beauty becaue i'm focused on the entire universe and its complexity. hoping. waiting. expecting to see something at first glance.
is this the reason i continue to hit breaking points where i feel overwhelmed with the vastness of this life and its possibilities?
for those of you who don't know, this is where i live. the thriving metropolis of los angeles, caifornia.
and this is where i'm from (well, at least the parts i appreciate about where i'm from having lived in l.a. for almost a year)
after a very short visit back to the heartland for my brother's graduation, stillness swept over me like the plague. i had no idea how exhausted i was until i hit midwest soil. the sounds and smells calmed me instantly and put me in a meditative state. the silence was almost irritating as my own thoughts made their way to the surface.
there are moments in my journey where i do nothing more than simply survive. where the craziness of big-city life becomes my natural form of interacting with myself and everyone else. i get so caught up in ideas and progression ... in innovation and trailblazing that i forget the importance of focus and committing to those ideas.
i see so many opportunities on the horizon. i see adventure and excitement that i want to be a part of. but i get to these moments where i feel like i'm extremely involved but not really committed to anything. i like to keep my options open. you know, just in case.
but that's starting to wear me out. i want to declare a niche. i want to find my unique way of contributing to the big picture. and stick with it.
going back to the stars. i was caught up in the mystery and brilliance of this little star. the obvious brightness of the moon and jupiter nearly blinded my peripheral vision, but i was drawn to this twinkling mystery. there was something about this star that i wished i could identify with. something about this star that i almost wish was me ... waiting patiently for the chance to step into a moment that will touch someone's soul.
out of all the stars in the universe that night, the twinkling wonder, in its joyous celebration of who it is, made an l.a. girl from kansas remember where she's from and where she's going.
question: what if everyone in the world committed to being agents of change where they are instead of trying to take their ideas all over the world? would more actually get done? because i don't know.
4 comments:
i struggle with that all the time...i want to go back to scotland...but could i actually do more good for the kingdom here at the church i am at, getting them involved? i am always restless...a curse perhaps...or lesson to be learned.
i've come to a point where i see myself hopping from one place to another .... almost arogantly consulting others through the ideas in my mind, and then i pause. surely God has appointed individuals in each city, in each town all accross the globe who have visions even more specific for that area. i have to believe that there is a group that God wishes to impact most through me, but i'm afraid of committing for i may miss out on something else.
Great questions, rysta. :) Living in a context where you are bombarded with great opportunities is amazing. But at some point, I think, to really become effective, you have to choose one. Those words we love, like 'call' and 'vision' and 'dream', imply choosing a direction and choosing to NOT pursue other directions. It's a spin on discipline; some people have to discipline themselves to keep working on anything....other people have to discipline themselves to NOT work on EVERYTHING. :) This thing of choosing 'one thing' shouldn't be seen as restrictive, and it shouldn't be seen as a lifetime decision, necessarily. God leads us to something, and after a while, we change...life changes...everything changes... and we find ourselves moving into a different 'one thing'.
The other idea you bring up is this thing of serving and impacting locally, instead of trying first to take your ideas all over the world. I haven't done the research, so I could be wrong...but when I think of people who have had amazing global impact for the kingdom, it seems that they all started serving locally. What was big and huge and unusual about them was a fierce, personal, daily devotion to following God. And if God chose to widen the scope of their influence, they walked into it, but with great fear and trembling. That's the kind of person I want to be, and that's the thing I struggle with the most. Wherever it is that God has me serving, be it Wichita or LA or Beijing, the challenge is to deepen my devotion to and love for God, rather than be distracted by my own potential and good intentions. :)
and THAT, my friends, is why kim bontrager is my life coach.
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