While I was hoping to post the quintessential blog for the first day of the new year, touting new beginnings, clean slates and the infamous resolution piece, my thoughts are on quite the contrary.

I awoke this first day of 2008 feeling anything but refreshed. In fact, if anything, I was assured that New Years Day is really a day we all beg for fresh starts and pasts that are miraculously erased as the little ball drops at midnight. We (meaning I) ultimately hope to rise on January first a new person.

But this morning was different. This morning I was met with sadness from an unresolved conflict the evening before. I was met with lingering confusion about where I'm going and what I will be doing in the coming year and worst, I was reassured that I am still ridiculously far away from being the person I hope to become.

Perfect.

Not only was I having a difficult time embracing the new year (already), I started the day doubting humanity as my friend and I stepped outside only to find that her car was vandalized overnight. Seriously?

Here's where things get a bit more positive ... ironically.

My attitude sucks ... often. Not on purpose ... honestly. I just have a lot going on in my brain, which totally isn't anyone else's fault, and I take myself WAY too seriously (which consequently leaves me with a really irritated expression on my face). My point ...

I can't control what happens to me or my friends or my family. But I can control how I react and how I represent myself in moments of adversity or new and uncomfortable situations. I also know that not everyone is exactly like me, nor do they come from a place I'm familiar with ... which means I could actually be wrong on a few things. And that's terrifying to me. I want to be able to relate ... to coexist and bring hope in the midst of it all.

So my thoughts on 2008 so far ...

It will only be a good year for me if I choose to put other people before myself. To seek to understand them rather than be understood.

Oh, this is going to be an interesting year ...