ok. i'm not an alcoholic ... but i could be.

i've been to my share of open AA meetings with family members and friends and have always enjoyed going. there's just something about the honesty and openness that would make anyone feel comfortable sharing the darkest pieces of their soul.

i was invited by a friend from class to attend her 14th birthday last saturday.

when i entered the room, i felt like i was among family. these individuals, whose birthdays we celebrated, had made the decision years ago to give up something that had kept them from living the life they wanted. i sat as they told their stories of desperation in the moments before deciding to let go of their alcohol and drug addictions. my 52 year old friend talked about her groundhog day, 14 years ago when she walked into the betty ford center. i was so inspired by their lives today and saw the hope that still gleams in their eyes as they continue to make decisions each day to choose life and a better future over their past addictions.

on my way home, i wondered if i could ever do that. if i could identify the things that are keeping me from experiencing my fullest potential. things that have defined me ... that i have let control my life. and then let them go, never to be touched again.

NEVER. not one sip ... not one more day.

could you?

i'm not a substance abuser, but i sure don't feel too estranged to sit in that group and say, "i'm krysta. and i'm an alcoholic."

i think there's a piece of them in all of us ... we're just too afraid to say it out loud.