"alfred: endure, master wayne. take it. he'll hate you for it. but that's the point of batman, he can be the outcast. he can make the choice that no one else can make, the righteous.

the joker: i took gotham's white knight, and lowered him to our level. it wasn't hard. y'see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. all it takes is a little...push." the dark knight, 2008

i saw this movie in the same theater that i saw indian jones in. again, the experience was incredible. but this film, more than any other film i've seen in the past year, articulated so much of what i feel right now.

i am finally at a place where, all the changes in the past few years mixed with my haunting past, will either get the best of me or i'll realize that i was created for something truly unique.

now, i'm not saying that i'm liking myself to a super hero. nor am i saying that i'm in danger of going off the deep end. i'm just saying that there is a clear battle in my life that will either wear me down or bring me the very motivation needed to fight for what's right.

for some people it's really easy. they just believe.

for me ... it's just not that easy. i watched as bruce wayne struggled with his role. he was tired, wanted to give up and just turn himself in so he didn't have to fight anymore. the idea that he could have just led a normal life and had the same level of responsibility as everyone else, yet having this nagging feeling that you were created to do more than that. THAT is what i identify with. i haven't even been fighting for long and i can tell you that i'm exhausted. and i wish i could just say that i don't care anymore ... but i can't. and that's really irritating. actually, what's really irritating is that i'm not sure if i'm cut out for it.

what i do know is that i have a choice. i can choose to believe i was created to bring hope and life and endure the hardships or live a life of apathy and destruction.

both are powerful. both have the potential to change the course of history. but only one will give me the chance to live an authentic life and bring other people into an understanding that they are worth fighting for. and at the end of the day, i think i would rather be tired than wonder if we should have fought a little harder for what was right.

"we actually thrive in dark places - we're the light of the world. if we can't thrive in the dark, we probably won't thrive anywhere." erwin mcmanus