just say something

i was reminded yesterday why it's so important that i devote time and energy into mastering the art of authentic communication.

when i first started my job at chapman, a particular woman on my team took me under her wing and guided me through some uneasy situations that were occurring in our workplace.

we ate pastrami sandwiches for lunch and talked about family, what life was like for her 'back in the day' when she was a student at this university and what we felt about our jobs.

we looked out for each other because our relationship was more than just an 8-5 kind-of relationship.

she became a friend ... someone i could trust to tell me the truth.

but then her relationship with someone who was less than kind to me made me feel unsafe. insecure. and while it sound childish, i was threatened by their positions in the organization and didn't feel that i was needed anymore.

my posture changed.

and i stopped pursuing the relationship for fear that, just by association, she had become like her new friend.

and i wasn't until yesterday ... more than a year later ... working within hundreds of feet of one another ... that she confronted me.

she was hurt and i was shocked.

and it was in that moment that i realized the combination of my own insecurities, built-in mechanism for assuming the worst and lack of relational intelligence had - in a split second decision over a year ago - damaged a relationship.

so today, i walk with a mission:

to have the hard conversations that are necessary for healthy relationships with the people around me. to speak up and ask the right questions before making assumption. and to stop caring so much about what other people think of me that it hurts the people i care about most.

amazing how difficult we make communicating.