In the last post I mentioned that I've been entertaining the possibility that, perhaps who I thought I was isn't exactly who I really am.

Since I began this blog, I have posted multiple times of my struggles to connect with God since moving to L.A. I have also mentioned that I was seeking to find value and worth in the church, not in Christ (which, consequently, has conditioned me to validate my own spirituality on that barometer as well ... not good).

As I move towards a better understanding of who I am and why God wanted me to be here and nowhere else at this point in my life, I am realizing that maybe it's all about faith:

Izzy about Dr. Yang: "She knows what she wants. She has this faith in her skill and in herself. An unwavering faith. She knows who she is and I want that. I was chasing cardio because I want what she has. The faith part. I want that."

You see, that's just it. I want an unwavering faith that leaves me encouraged and hopeful even when things don't go as I thought they would. I want to just know that God is proud of me for pushing myself and asking the hard questions. I want to know that He is all around me and speaking fresh vision and life into my soul. And none of that comes with over analyzing or reason ... it comes with faith.

I have to wake up tomorrow believing that I'm on a path different from what I know for a reason much larger than myself. I need to believe that the millions of people that I'm surrounded by need me to be with them and that I need them to be with me (even if it makes me uncomfortable). Because, in the end, we're all trying to find meaning ...

and if I just had a little more faith ...

maybe ...

just maybe ...

they would hold on long enough to know what really mattered.

Dr. Bailey: "But at the end of the day, the fact that we show up for each other in spite of our differences, no matter what we believe, is reason enough to keep believing."

I am a person of faith.