jet lag

(February 20th, 2007)

ok folks. i’m about to crash and it’s only 2 in the afternoon. i’ve been trying to stay awake since i got up this morning, but i’m fading quickly. the best part of this sob story is that it will continue late into the night. i not only have to stay awake to catch up on some projects here at the university, but i also have to work at starbucks until midnight.

i’m realizing that i’m spreading myself too thin. i have goals for myself. big ones. ambitions that aren’t for the weak in mind, body or soul. because of these ambitions, i often find myself stubborn when it comes to letting go of things that are monopolizing my time, especially when it has potential to make me seem weak or unable to handle the pressure.

i feel, for some completely stupid reason, that working two jobs and sucking up the hours for the sake of having maximum impact has become more of a hopeful act of martyrdom than pleasure. i’ve been working at starbucks because i really enjoy it and i love being able to serve people and get to know them better. but i also realize that my time there is running out and i can’t possibly function at this pace. granted, i have massive jet lag right now and that’s not helping my emotional or logical thought process, but it’s proving a point.

i can’t differentiate myself or prove my strength this way. i’m fully aware that i was created to do something unique … and my day will come. as for now, i better take time to really prepare for that moment and, in my current schedule, there is no room for that.