paradigm shift :: disclaimer

(December 8th, 2006)

about a month ago i realized i would never be the same again.

after my commissioning at mosaic, a few of my friends and i decided we wanted to stop at an “in and out” on our way back to the long beach area. since we were in pasadena we wanted to make sure we were all going the same route so i suggested we take the 210 to the 2 to the 110 south to the 5 west to the 405 south and get off at the inglewood exit which lands us right at the in and out without having to use surface streets. without skipping a beat, everyone said, “sounds good … meet you there in about 30 minutes.”

seriously? did that just happen? not only did i blurt out directions using 5 different freeways, but i also used the lingo … THE 210, THE 405 … surface streets …

unbelievable. then i realized, as i was sitting in traffic on my way to our yummy destination, that i have changed. i’ve changed a lot.

i haven’t just changed in the way i navigate my way around the greater l.a. area, but also the way i navigate my way through life. this city has been instrumental in catalyzing a new thought process. a new way of approaching this life i thought i had all figured out.

where has it landed me? in nothing other than a drastic paradigm shift.

here’s what i mean:

for quite some time i wasn’t sure if i was really learning anything or moving in a forward motion. i began to think that maybe this move … the saying yes part, to venture 1,600 miles off my course of comfortability, was the goal. i began to think that maybe, just maybe, i’m not really going to make an impact here. maybe this is just my chance to learn something new and prepare for the next big mission.

ha. that lasted about a nano-second. you see, if you know anything about the Strengths Finder, you’ll understand that people with achiever and futuristic can’t sit back and relax … it goes against everything they are inherently good at. at least that’s my explanation

i started to see my changes in perception to the world around me. i noticed a shift in how i interact with those around me and how i approach my role as a follower of Christ. with this, i began to grow anxious about going back to kansas over thanksgiving because of the changes in my thought process. so i started to document who i’ve become:

mosaic is truly impacting the way i interact with those around me and, more importantly, the way i interact with God. i’ve started thinking globally and being less concerned with finding community for myself, but rather, creating community for those who have never experienced it. the church is beginning to take on a whole new meaning (read An Unstoppable Force by Erwin)

who i was when i left wichita is not the same as who i am now (for those of you who know me and were the recipients of my crazy nature … your prayers have been answered)

i’ve learned to own my decisions and embrace them

i’ve let go of my desire to change wichita and to change my past. if that’s going to consume me, i need to move back … but i won’t let it. so i’m owning l.a. i’m owning my decision to be here and nowhere else in this moment

i realize that who i am is the person who longed to move here. a person of adventure. a person devoted to embracing and accepting opportunities to experience more than what meets the eye. i don’t want it easy and i’m done being angry with those who choose that road

the way i approach my call and responsibility as a follower of Christ has become truly global and less focused on what the church isn’t doing. i’ve come to realize that if i’m going to have maximum impact, i need to set the example as opposed to jumping on the church-bashing wagon

i am becoming very aware of how my conversations with Jesus are going to change the course of humanity. i’m creating the future … sacrificing myself so that future generations can have a better life
i feel free. free to make decisions. flexible to go where he sends me.

i want to constantly be reinventing the way i approach life and interact within it based off of my growing encounters with Christ

i desire to experience him all over the world – to make Him famous across the globe

i understand that there is more to life than being comfortable and that i chose this path because i became alive in the uncertainty of my future. because i believed He was ready to break me down and start over to create something better. something that would capture the hearts of others and inspire them to live for Jesus in a barbaric, unashamed way

i’ve found joy in helping Jesus tear down the art that i so carefully created with my life so that He can begin to create a masterpiece …

all these things have given me hope. they have caused me to wrestle with theological issues that i’ve accepted, simply because i’ve recited them since VBS. there are moments in my silent ponderies with God that i wonder if i’m a heretic for asking the questions that plague my mind. and then i realize … i’m not finding Him in the answers … i’m finding Him in the questions. and the only way i’m coming to find Him is by getting to the end of myself. so i will continue to have my fierce conversations with the Maker of the Universe. i will continue to seek and explore. and i will devote myself to serving others at the cost of my own life.

a little different from the girl who couldn’t wait to point out what the church wasn’t doing. well, that girl finally realized she was part of the disease … it’s time to awaken humanity.