a presence

(August 9th, 2006)

so i’ve been in california for almost six days.

i wake up each morning wondering if it’s ok to be living in paradise while following my desire to serve the Lord in the greatest capacity possible.

i’m reminded of the ever present theme of suffering throughout the Scriptures that let us know we will suffer for His name’s sake. it just makes sense.

so as i look out onto the ocean, ride my bike with the breeze rolling through my hair, participate in beach bon-fires, attend baptism parties, engage in open conversations with people who are changing the world, experience new cultures and create memories that will shape my character and add to my story … i realize that everyone will suffer differently.

for me, it will be the internal conflict i face in relationships and self-worth. i will battle the Enemy for captivity of my own thought life and protection over relationships with others. THAT is where i find my suffering.

what i will not do, is feel guilt that i may have it better than others. i have come to understand that we were not given the authority to choose how we suffer, nor are we given the power to inflict pain on ourselves just because we feel we shouldn’t have more than our neighbors. where is the victory in that?

i’m beyond the mindset that proclaims we should be poor and live in simplicity for the Lord’s renown. who would want to be a follower of Christ if what it looked like was depravity? i don’t want to lack the ability to meet the basic needs of other people. so i will use my degree, i will use my environment and i will use the blessings others have afforded me to propel others into a better understanding of the God i serve.

no more playing guilty Christian by comparing myself to people in 3rd world countries. my God is bigger than that. i have been given more than enough so that i can help others actualize their full potential. today, i will begin using my resources joyfully.