i'm coming to realize that when people don't feel like they are doing something that matters ... nothing matters.

My past has been taunting me lately.

When I made the decision to move to L.A., I died to the idea of ever being the same again. I knew that when I moved, my life would be changed forever. What I didn't take into consideration, was that the things I had once prematurely dreamed of, would have to be recreated and made new in its own time.

This time of year is a perfect opportunity for nostalgia to get the best of me.

I start thinking of home and the comfort of family. And that turns into thoughts of how scattered and lonely L.A. can be and before you know it, I'm tearing up wishing I could just be in the familiar again.

I didn't take into consideration that starting new relationships would mean that they start from this point on, excluding the 23 years of history prior to the move. I failed to consider what it would be like to look for a home in L.A., get married in L.A., have a family in L.A. when my family is 1600 miles away. What does it look like now to start building memories with my new friends and my new family that have no connection to my friends and family back home?

I'm learning that, when my past seems to be more present in my mind than reality, it doesn't mean I wish I were somewhere else. It just means I'm learning how to function in a life I feel called to without forgetting where I've been.

So, for those of you who are here with me every day, thanks for your patience as I try to see life in a different way.

For those of you who are back in Kansas ... you've left a mark on my soul that will never be erased, so don't think that I've forgotten you!

Here's to another paradigm shift AND to realizing who my tribe really is.