irrational season

From "The Irrational Season" by Madeleine L'Engle

But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take…It is indeed a fearful gamble…Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take…If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation…It takes a lifetime to learn another person…When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.

community

alice [my roommate] and i had a good conversation last week about being intentional in regards to community.

it's interesting that one of the more noticeable things i miss about kansas is how easy community seems to come. i suppose if i look back with a more realistic lens i would say there were many periods that community didn't come as easy as i'm remembering. but now that i know how accessible/available it was in comparison to my life in l.a. ... i kind-of wish i could go back and change things.

i wish i would have developed habits of spending time with people more consistently (outside of work, school and church). i wish i wouldn't have been so concerned about money and the $3 i would 'lose' by going to a local coffee shop with friends a few times a week ... or (God-forbid) a movie or dinner with the girls.

what alice and i kept coming back to is that community requires sacrifice. back home, i was too selective. i only wanted community with a certain group of people (and they all happened to be cheap as well, so it worked out nicely). but i could have had more meaningful relationships if i tried harder.

now, my vice is time and the dreaded routine. i pride myself in being fairly unpredictable. yet, a routine may just be the thing i need in order to feel more connected.

the people in my building who have dogs know each other. they pick up their dog's poo together over good conversation and coffee in the park because their dogs require a routine that brings them together ... to pick up poo ... daily.

there are coffee shops where i make an occasional appearance where people seem to know each other because that's where they spend time each morning.

but dogs and coffee runs require commitment. and i'd rather believe that community was easier in kansas than admit that it has never been easy for me because i never really made it a priority.

kind-of a mood changer to realize i expect others to go out of their way to invite me into their lives when i haven't made significant efforts to create space for them in mine.

brief thoughts on duvall incident

this is what i find most disturbing about duvall's exposed sexual escapades this week.

the gentleman he was offering illicit information to (regarding his grossly unethical behavior with female lobbyists) didn't seem at all phased by his crude acts.

here we have a man with a wife, kids and a civic responsibility to engage in political activity that follows an ethical process, telling another man (with pride) that he is having these little escapades with female lobbyists. yet, the gentleman doesn't once ask, "dude ... you have a wife. what the hell are you doing whoring around? furthermore, what are you thinking pulling this kind of activity into our organization? do you seriously think that i find your behavior appropriate? do you honestly believe this information will make me respect you more? for the love man. get a life. in the meantime, i'm reporting you for being an embarrassment to this assembly. "

well. apparently that conversation never occurred to mr. duvall's bff in the assembly. because he just sat there. probably astounded, curious, and impressed that this aged, fat, unattractive individual could score any action from someone who hadn't previously vowed (prior to finding out how big of a douche bag he'd become) to lay next to him for the rest of his life.

i think we can all agree mr. duvall is in the wrong.

but my bigger fear is that we're not concerned about his little buddy that didn't seem to question his activity in the first place. i think that's terrifying. really terrifying. and if you don't feel the same ... then i guess the problem is much larger than the california legislator's office.