My Thanksgiving was different this year.

It was my first major holiday away from Kansas and all of my relatives and most certainly the first holiday that I've spent watching the sun set over the Pacific ocean while eating turkey and stuffing in 70 degree weather.



Yeah. No need to feel sorry for me.

But I learned something really important this year (which is probably why it has taken me so long to write).

I have a difficult time understanding that people actually love me and that not everyone is out to get me. It's much easier for me to be upset or aggravated all the time. It gives me a reason to fight harder (as if that's actually doing anyone any good because I end up fighting people instead of fighting for people).

I digress.

But do you know what's worse? I'm afraid that if people get to know the real me, the me that longs for romance and love and adventure and to belong, that they will see me as weak (which, as some of you know, is so NOT the image I try so desperately to portray). If they don't see me as tough and independent and capable of taking on the most difficult of tasks, how will I ever reach my goal of running a company ... of changing people's lives ... of ...

The truth: I don't have it all together (I can't believe I posted that on the web). And I could use a little help from people that love me every once in a while (ack again) ... knowing that that doesn't make me a failure ... it makes me human.

For that I'm thankful.

It's good to know that the goodness of Thanksgiving lasted longer than my turkey coma this year.

ever since i booked my flight back home for christmas, i've been craving a little midwest time.

i miss my family and my friends. i miss the quietness of winter evenings, the open space and the crisp air.

but there is another element that is becoming more difficult as i continue to build my life in california. i want the people from my past to be able to interact with my life here.

well, i got that opportunity this weekend. two of my good friends from back home decided to come out for a day (literally) and explore the madness that is now my home. it was nice for them to see what i've built here in the past year and meet the people who mean so much to me. to see my life through their eyes was so refreshing and encouraging. it brought me new hope and motivation. best of all, their love and friendship reminded me that it wouldn't hurt me to be a little more merciful, compassionate and gracious in my relationships.

i'm so thankful that they came and blessed me with a little piece of home. i'm also hoping it pacifies my craving until december :)

both of my worlds came together for a day and it was ... beautiful.

so there's this spot right in front of my house that has been magical for me. it's just past the front gate of my little white picket fence and in the safety of vince's car. with flashers on and cars whizzing by, there is always a quiet moment before i turn to step out onto the sidewalk. and then ...

words come out of his mouth that i never thought i would hear anyone say to me. words that describe the person i feel that i am but that is so often misunderstood. words that cause me to stop breathing ... to sit speechless.

a good friend once told me, a long time ago, that there would come a day when someone would be able to see everything about me that no one else could. they would be able to describe the person that burns beneath the harsh exterior, begging to be heard and understood.

i didn't believe her.

but this has become one of my favorite places in the world.

i was reading an article today and came across this:

define critical thinking
"the ability to go beyond what you know without falling apart emotionally."

hmm ...

i had the great honor of celebrating the life of a good friend ... one of my first friends in fact ... on sunday evening. when i got to her apartment, i was greeted by familiar faces from a time when everything was still so new to me. as we sat around and caught up on life, i recounted the connections that have brought me to where i am.

let's start from sunday evening at the mayan:
- i found my closest friend at her ministry table to give her a hug before the service started. i met her through one of my best friends back home and was connected with her when i came to l.a. to interview. she was the first person i met out here.
- she had introduced me to dee, whose party i went to after the mayan.
- i sat next to a guy in church that i met the very first time i came to l.a. we have a mutual friend from wichita that was staying with him when i came to visit and it was in his studio in downtown l.a. nearly 5 years ago that i said i would never live in this "disgusting city." ha! now he and i see each other a few times a month ... in the city i swore to never live in.
- i met the love of my life after being connected with sarah, who i was connected to through her boyfriend who is good friends with the same individual that connected me to my closest friend in l.a.
- at the party, i caught up with a couple that i met at dee's in january. they had just moved here from ... kansas. yep. when they asked where i was from i said, "oh, you wouldn't know the town, but it's a suburb of wichita. do you know where wichita is?"
D: "yes! what suburb?"
me: "derby. you probably haven't heard of it. it's south of the city."
D (looking at his wife): "we just moved here this week from derby."
me: "shut up! "
we're now good friends and had a great time sunday sharing how far this journey has brought us to healing and joy.

all i know is that this weekend reminded me that i was created to live an original life. a life that can't be formed out of ordinary paths and formulas. and i am reminded by these connections that i'm on the right path ... my own unique path to finding the truest of myself.