parenthood

So, the husband and I got a dog.

A really cute one.

In fact, she's throwing a ball to herself as we speak which I find especially endearing. Reminds of the only child who has an imaginary friend.

Anyway, we became parents rather suddenly. Some friends of some friends found said puppy on the side of an L.A. freeway. Through a series of events, she landed in our possession completely unharmed and full of energy.

We were thrilled ... a bit nervous ... and totally unprepared.

Which is what I would imagine "real" parenthood is like.

Aside from the sudden change in my daily routine, the duties of disciplining and potty training and the incessant picture taking when she does, yet another, super cute (fill in the blank) ... I've been humbled by the arrogance of a previous theory that children/pets are a reflection of their parents.

While in most cases this is, in fact, truth, I feel the greater epiphany lies in the idea that one shouldn't judge unless one has been there herself.

Parenting is hard. Even if what you are parenting is merely a 6-month-old puggle mutt. I can't imagine how we would have made it our first week without Google. And although I still hold to my belief that pet/child owners could be more responsible and lead with greater conviction ... there are just some things you're going to have to take the dirty looks for. Dirty looks that I will now be less generous with in Target if your two children are squeezing doggie toys or if your puppy pees on my floor.

would you be you if ...

If you lived in a different time period?

Seriously though.

I often wonder if I'd be as blunt if I lived in the 50's.

Would I have been so disgusted with racism before the civil rights movement had I lived then? Would I have done something about it?

Would I have had the opportunity to travel, to obtain a master's degree ... to even go to college?

What would my filmmaker husband be so passionate about if he were born in the late 1800's?

Makes me feel like we were created for this exact time in human history for a reason. (Yeah, I know ... maybe I should have been born in the 60's so I could have joined the rest of the New Age movement philosophers).

But seriously. Even if I didn't believe I'm here on this earth for a reason, I still can't help but wonder what I can do with the life I have that people before me could only dream of doing.

i'm back

The blog hiatus has ended.

Life quickly went from pre-wedding to wedding to honeymoon madness during my time away and I'm still not sure I have anything to report that would make much sense as I'm very much living life in a blur.

I was talking to a friend last night and said, "Before the wedding, I felt restless because I just wanted this new life to begin. The wedding was the only thing standing in the way of that and I poured myself into making it a good experience for everyone. When it was actually happening, I tried to do what everyone had told me, 'stop and take it all in because it goes by so quickly.' In fact, there were a few moments that I remember vividly because I stopped and just let it soak in. But now ... well ... what do I do now?"

With no job to go back to, no wedding to-do list to tackle ... I feel a very real lack of purpose. And as most of you know, my "work" has typically been used as a validator for my sense of self-worth. (That and a very unhealthy need for approval from other people). I digress.

I've gotten quite good at loading and unloading the dishwasher, putting clothes away, keep the plants watered and setting out meat to thaw for dinner. Which, to be honest, is impressive (for me). And in my first week back to reality, I've realized I have a lot to learn about being a wife - getting my husband's favorite donut right for starters. (For the record, it's a regular cake donut with regular icing and sprinkles, NOT chocolate icing.)

In the meantime, I'm trying to take advantage of this opportunity to figure out what my real contribution to this world is going to be. There's something about getting a new name that makes me feel like I have a clean slate ... like I have a choice for who I become (I know, I had a chance with the last name too. Humor me).

Even if it's an allusion, the idea of redefining life from a 'new me's' perspective is intriguing. So. I'm gonna run with it and see what happens. Maybe I'll run into the me I was created to be in the first place. Or maybe I'll realize that who I've been this whole time is exactly who I was meant to be. Either way, it's nice to have the space to explore.