Monday, February 23, 2009

there is no way you have been more saturated with slumdog than i in the past two days. and, n case you are exhausted by another mention of the film's success, my apologies.

as much as i'm ready to move on to other news ... i have yet to grow weary of the energy this film has generated here in india.

it's absolutely incredible.

i was having a meeting (in a car) with a woman representing a local university and the oscar success of slumdog opened up a strikingly honest and deeply intense conversation about hope. and life.

mention was made of a r rahman's acceptance speech and his final quote: "all my life i had a choice of hate and love. i chose love and i'm here ...." that led the conversation in the direction of obama (all completely guided by my indian host). her observations of america and the hope for a better future for the world as a result of our election of president obama had been restored. while she acknowledged it was absurd to expect that he will be able to perform miracles, she was quite adamant about her renewed hope for the citizens of this world as obama takes the global stage and leads us in a new direction. after her beautiful oration of another chance at democracy, freedom and hope ... she yelled, "so ... JAI HO!!"

now, i have to admit. this woman epitomized energy. she could have passed as mildly insane, but. as you know, that's how i prefer my company. i laughed out loud and she went into another oratorical dialogue that expressed her pride in india and the film that had made "jai ho" an international phrase. i asked her what the literal meaning of the phrase is and she quickly responded, "it's a greeting. kind-of like namaste ... but more fun. it's the party side of namaste! like, 'JAI HO!!' yay!!" oh if only i could have had a video camera to capture her excitement! she was unbelievably contagious.

we ended the conversation on a more serious note as i offered my humble (and personal) observations of india in this hour as an american. i explained that 26/11 (the mumbai attacks) were no longer what comes to mind when i hear someone say, 'mumbai.' the first thing that enters my mind is slumdog or ... better yet ... jai ho - which, by the way, can not be said. no. for me, it has to be sung. does anyone else have that problem?

i digress. i finished my mini speech by telling her that this nation has overcome. that hope is winning. and that ... well ... that is something we now have in common. it is not only to be celebrated, but also respected.

for that. i say, 'namaste. now let's party!' :)

Friday, February 20, 2009

i'm in between meetings at my beautiful hotel in the incredible city of kolkata.

i'm not sure i can explain how i feel about this city other than ... peace ... comfort ...

on my last day in los angeles, i sat in church and wrote in my journal a few thoughts i had that were crowding my mind and it's quite amazing how, just now, i'm seeing the connection the culture of this city is making with the cravings of my soul.

here is what i wrote on feb. 15 (the day after my birthday):

well. i'm 26. nothing special i suppose ... just another year older. but theres something about birthdays for me that bring a sense of possiblity and a chance to start over ... kind of like new year's does for everyone else. birthdays bring a challenge, even an element of fear that perhaps i won't meet all of my goals or rise to the challenge to take on bigger and more frightening risks. this is the time i usually refelct on what happened the year before, but that seems mildly depressing right now as not much has changed (in the physical sense), so i'll focus on a few things i'm hearing at church right now from my good friend jason jaggard.

- when you're the biggest thing in your world, nothing else can be bigger.
- we try to be bigger than we are so that we don't feel so small.
- what beauty might i be missing because i don't slow down?
- we were made to discover the wonder of God.

it's a constant battle for me ... to be completely geared for forward motion, fighting, achievement, yet desire to just.be. to just be comfortable in my own skin. to not have to try so freaking hard all the time. to not want to be so achievement oriented and just.enjoy.life.

i try too hard. did i mention that? let me be frank here. i've mentioned more times than i care to acknowledge that i spend and have spent most of my life trying to prove myself. i think that's why i love india so much. i have a purpose there. i'm free to learn, to not know ... to give what i have because for everyone there ... that's enough. there ... i am free to explore, discover, embrace the life i have been given. there ... i have space to just.be. no temptation to be bigger than life or try and prove my worth (whatever that means). because everything around me is proof enough that life is much more than my own insecurities and fears of not becoming. life there erases the "non-life" in my head that seems to consume the life that i'm supposed to be living in real-life ... (wow ... i'm officially starting to sound deranged and institutionalizable).

as i prepare to step onto the plane today, i remember that this is my chance. to start my 26th year fresh with wonder of the unknown and the audacity to explore, be wrong, ask questions and discover that which was made to be discovered. this is my chance to just.be.me (again, whatever that means).

so at breakfast this morning, i ask arjun, "why does the staff at this hotel clasp their hands together and nod whenever i walk by? why do they do that every time they say hello?"
arjun: because they are saying "namaste."
krysta: (in complete ignorance and trying to sound like i know what i'm talking about): oh, so like they're saying, "peace."
arjun: no. not really. (krysta puts food in her mouth so as not to feel embarrassed) they're bowing to the best in you. not YOU, because you don't deserve that much credit, but what's inside of you that is the best of who you are.
krysta: i really like that.

anne lamott says:

i learned to be the person i wished i'd meet.


i'm there today. i'm thrilled that those who serve me at this hotel and who greet me in this city are acknowledging only the greatest in me. i'm humbled that this is who they are calling out. and i feel much more free to explore who that being is ... deep down inside when i am greeted with namaste. because that person ... perhaps it is what most people identify as the 'soul' ... is who i would like to become more familiar with. it's the me i wish i'd meet ...

maybe this trip will be better for me than i expected ...

Saturday, February 14, 2009

as you can see ... i have a new look (as promised months back when i was in the middle of my graduate studies and making promises i knew i couldn't keep within an appropriate time frame).

but i felt that turning 26 was grounds for setting my new year up right with a spiffy website in order to inform the world of my continued quarter life crisis ... in style. i'm beginning to develop an appreciation for packaging and the delivery of messages and i thought that, perhaps, this would be a good start to making potentially depressing material more tolerable :)

this is where the modern day handyman comes in.

since i was leaving for india (to which i am currently en-route) the day after my birthday and the blessed holiday of sir valentine (ugh), vince and i decided to keep things low key and make no plans so as not to become unnecessarily stressed. we were talking about some things for his latest film and i directed him to a friend's website so he could see her latest work. (did i mention miss ruthi auda is spectacularly brilliant with her obnoxiously creative mind?) anywho. as we were looking at her blog, we both desired a bit more creativity in our day. this is where handyman boyfriend says, "hey! when are we going to set up a website for you?" to which i responded, "right now!! oh that would be so fun!"

so. on my 26th birthday, my modern day handyman fixed me up a lovely website and walked me through the process i needed to make minor repairs and he wasn't around. he navigated his way around the information super highway with ease and made something simply divine with his manly hands ;)

as i watched him make me something to keep my 'artwork' safe and beautiful, i couldn't help but think that this kind of handyman sure beats the plumber with the hairy butt crack who used to fix the drip under my sink. and it certainly beats the repair man who would fix the weather strip on the front door of my new apartment. none of those guys made me smile when i watched them work and they certainly didn't keep me from over-analyzing the fatality of another year in which i would feel compelled to do more than the year prior.

all this to say. my 26th birthday began with a solemn, "poor me, i'm-closer-to-30-than-i-am-to-20-and-i-haven't-done-anything-with-my-life" attitude and ended with a hopeful sigh of relief that even if this year ends up being a complete and utter failure, i'll at least look good while i'm documenting it. right?

here's to a new year ... and to a new generation of men who help women like me fix all the essential house ware items that keep us organized and feeling more sane.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

there are two women in my life right now who are inspiring the pants off of me:

elizabeth gilbert
anne lamott

these women are both writers ... ironically. i don't consider myself a writer. perhaps i secretly wish that it were my destined profession (thus the narcissistic decision to open a blog when, let's be honest, only two people read it).

and i don't consider myself a "creative" either, no matter how hard i try to force it.

but i'm wondering if these closet desires remain dormant or 'closeted' by something a bit more daunting ... like fear itself.

in a mad attempt to 'get in the zone' yesterday, i visited a few blogs, shuffled through my iTunes, perused artistic websites and was just about to open my new book by anne lamott (which i vowed to save for my horrendous plane ride) until i landed on a gold mine on ted.com.

right there staring me straight in the face on their homepage was elizabeth gilbert. the infamous author of one of my favorite books, 'eat, pray, love.' she's brilliant. inspiring. and i will openly confess i wish i had her life ... well, parts of it at least.

she gave a 20 minute speech at ted that completely rocked my world. it would be advantageous of you to visit the site for 20 minutes of life-altering information. the title: fear of genius.

as if the title alone doesn't motivate you here is a little cliffhanger to drive you to the site ... this is one of the statements she made in the first few minutes of her talk:

why? is it rational? is it logical that anybody should be expected to be afraid of the work that they feel they were put on this earth to do?


it was captivating. pure genius (for lack of a better word). and her conclusion brought me to tears that could only be induced by a strong dose of inspiration. go see it. listen. take notes. and then do what you do best ... even if it scares the poop out of you.

Monday, February 9, 2009

i was having a particularly introverted day this past saturday. multiple feelings and events led me to crave a bit of alone time and i spent it just the way i wanted to ... in my favorite little coffee shop/bookstore, through the hills in all its green splendor and the fresh scent of rain that sent me on my way to an even larger bookstore where i quickly found my way to a spot on the stairs to read the first few pages of each book i was considering.

sounds cheesy. perhaps even lame. but it was incredible. every minute of it.

i've been waiting for this week for about a month now, for many reasons. the first: because it's my birthday week. and i like to celebrate all week, because ... well ... it's fun. i'm a little nervous that this year will bring me closer to the woes of adulthood and the ever-looming age of 30 than the youthful bliss of my childhood (cough), but i seem to be coping just fine.

the second: i leave for india in six days, which means my life is about to feel as if it has meaning again (because the daily tasks of my job ceased to provide that sense of purpose long ago). ok ok ... a little fatalistic and not surprisingly dramatic, but there is something about this trip that makes me feel alive again ... like i AM good at a few things and have the potential to be a mover and shaker in this giant world of achievers.

third: while it may be hard to believe that i struggle with divinity and spirituality, coming from such a religious background and all, it has become a rather blurry and complicated issue for me ... for which i have been craving the space and time in which to meditate. india has traditionally had a way of reacquainting me with my core while providing a healthy level of complexity in the same breath. all of these elements combined serve as a mixture for much introspection and good conversations with the God whom i am hoping is still interested in having conversations with me. and the possibility of those moments where He becomes real, makes this week so exciting.

and lastly: while 26 hours on a plane typically isn't the remedy for a good time, i enjoy having no where else to be. there are no other options. i just have to sit, write, read, contemplate. thus ... the reason for my trip to my two favorite bookstores in l.a.

so as i walked down each isle at borders, holding a small stack of leadership books in my hand and contemplating which book to open in the travel section, i remembered my friend kim had recommended a few books to me in case i came across some leisure time. hmm. i sat down in the isle and perused through my emails and found her list of recommendations. why this particular author struck my eye ... i'm not sure ... but she mentioned two of anne lamott's books. i went to the "christian" section and stood helplessly as i attempted to figure out which sub-section she may be categorized. then, i found her. face forward on an eye-level shelf. "plan b - further thoughts on faith" sounded more interesting for some reason than "traveling mercies" located conveniently to the right. so i sat on the step stool and read the first page. within the first paragraph, she had captured my heart with her sarcasm and good humored whit. i like this lady already ... i think i'll take her with me to india.

then i remembered. a friend in india wanted me to get a book for his wife (who is an aspiring writer) that he can't seem to find or have shipped to his home. he asked that i kindly look for it in the states and bring it with me. so i went in search of his email and found the author and title. the author: anne lamott.

i've never heard of this woman until about 5 minutes ago and now the entire universe seems to be pushing me towards her! which led me to think of a quote from the alchemist that i've always loved... "when you know what you want the whole world conspires with you to achieve it."

now, i wouldn't exactly say that i know what i want. and i certainly wouldn't say that this chain of events was orchestrated by the divine ... although ... i'm not ruling it out. but it did lead me to believe that maybe i know more than i'm willing to admit about who i am and what i want. and while the quote may seem a bit new-agy, it sure seemed like, at least in that moment, that the world was coming together to bring me a few steps closer to who i am and what i want.

all this to say ... it's not every day you feel the powers that be are trying to you something. so, for lack of other options, i think i'll start listening ...

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

i like change (not necessarily the kind in your pocket or in-between the cushions of your sofa ... although it does comes in quite handy for dollar menu lunches).

i like forward movement ... progress, if you will.

i thrive on collaborative efforts that lead to the development of processes that enhance the already stellar (or even not-so-stellar) infrastructures of organizations (you just got a glimpse into my inner nerd).

aside from the last bullet point, we may all be on the same page. human nature doesn't lend itself to stagnant, immobile behaviors. we may choose it because it feels safer than the alternative, but our inherent desire isn't to remain the same until the end of time.

vince is shooting another short film and the script includes a nice action sequence. while i was sitting in the car with the camera and director (vince), watching the action unfold with the car next to us ... i couldn't help but get excited. we were going somewhere ... collectively. we were working together to figure out how to turn this momentum into something audiences would not only be entertained by, but also inspired.

that's both the beauty and power of movement.

i leave for india and dubai in two weeks. i live for these three weeks of my year because i build so much momentum on these trips. there is something about the constant movement of this tour that makes me feel energized and alive. the momentum actually sustains itself for a few months after my return and then i start craving it again when i realize how absent the elements are from my actual life.

i can just imagine my life from the lens of a camera as i buzz around the cities in india. i'd like to think it would be mildly entertaining but more importantly inspiring and engaging. who i am there is exactly the person i am here. the difference is that there ... i am given the platform to be a person of action. that platform alone, unleashes more of my harnessed potential than i even thought i possessed.

i want my life to be a sequence of action-packed events. a sequence that leads to something greater ... not simply a repetition of the same actions.

maybe this year will hold more opportunities for that to become a more consistent reality ... not just a once a year short.