Tuesday, July 31, 2007

In a crowded little bar off Sunset Blvd that we call Hotel Cafe, I heard the voice of the talented Brooke Fraser.

For those of you who don't know her ... you should. She's incredible.

I waited weeks for this moment to see her perform and be in a room full of people who needed to hear her words of hope just as much as I did.

As she stepped onto the little stage, I realized I would be spending the rest of the evening in an increasingly unidealistic situation. Everyone in front of me was no less than six feet tall. There was no way I would get to see her facial expressions or gestures to the band ... nothing. Oh and it was ridiculously hot ... so I was sweating which never makes for a happy time.

Anyway, as I was trying to take in as much of her music as I could, my friend taps me on the shoulder and points to the wall. A line of decorative mirrors adorned the wall close to the ceiling.

I could see everything.

I've spent so much of my time trying to look over the heads of people who are much taller than I and when I couldn't push through them to be a part of the moment, I settled for the backs of their heads and a lukewarm bottle of water.

That's the obvious route. The obvious solution is to suck it up in moments where it's simply inappropriate to push your way to the front. I mean, everyone else had waited just as long, paid the same amount of money and were sweating just as much.

But everyone in that room deserved to be a part of the moment. Everyone needed to hear what she had to say. Everyone needed to see the sincerity on her face and the passion in her eyes.

But only one was desperate enough to make sure those of us without a view could be a part of what was happening. She refused to believe that there was only one way to experience this moment.

Last night was full of reflective moments ... ha. Some, however, more blatant than others.

Monday, July 30, 2007

A mere two posts ago, I raved about this city named L.A. Oh, the energy it brings and the life it feeds to my soul.

A week later, I was in the same city, in the same coffee shop, cursing the madness around me for wreaking such havoc on my brain.

How is it that something I find so much joy in, can actually be my demise when I indulge too much? Is it true that you can have too much of a good thing? Is it best to approach everything in moderation with the understanding that there is potential for an overdose that may leave me lifeless and craving a dark hole?

I'm realizing the importance of boundaries and setting time for myself. Alone.

That said, I will be in Hollywood three times this week :) Hey, there's no way I'm missing Brooke Fraser tonight at the Hotel Cafe, nor would I miss another week at The Woods and seeing Wicked at the Pantages. Don't worry, I left Tuesday and Thursday to Orange County ... the O.C. fair is in full swing and I need a funnel cake :)

Maybe next week I'll settle down.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Typical scenario:

Krysta engages in conversation with ridiculously talented individuals. Finds herself wanting to immediately partner with them in their vision because she thinks the world needs what they have. Ideas are flying all over the place. Super psycho business woman comes out.

Somehow the conversation shifts to more personal issues (I'm guessing because dreams are so ... personal).

Family. Marriage. Kids. Traditional roles.

Seriously? Ugh. We were having such a great conversation though! :(

In my usual attempt to break the mold and be the girl who has no desire for such things, something happens. A sincere and matter-of-fact voice breaks through:

"Everyone in this room already believes in who you're trying to hide. You don't have to prove anything." Everything goes back to normal. It was a passing thought for others, yet, I fall silent.

Days later ...

Same conversation (why am I a magnet for these discussions?)... marriage, kids, family and my typical response of "it's not for me."

"I don't believe you." (of course you don't, I ponder to myself.Because every woman wants to be a house wife ...)

But no. This is not the individual's pattern of thought.

"You have something to offer. Something the world needs. Why wouldn't you pass that on ... leave your legacy? I typically agree with people when they say they don't want kids. They shouldn't. But not you."

Silence. Squirming. Sobering.

Now, this is what happens when you believe for so long that the way to break certain stereotypes or prove yourself is to do the opposite of the obvious. It's also what happens when you're hoping that what you want to believe about yourself is what others see in you. And then ... you meet people who wish you'd just believe in yourself as much as they believe in you.

Don't get me wrong, it's inherent to who I am to rock the boat ... create a little controversy. I'm completely sincere in my goals to move forward as a more career-driven than family-oriented individual.

But knowing that I have people around me that don't keep me in the same box I try to keep myself in, is terrifying and liberating.

For those of you who know me well: don't worry, I'm still going to change the world (or at least try). But maybe someday, so will my family.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Yesterday will go down as one of my favorite days in L.A.

1. I got to stay with Alice the night before after our weekly outing in Hollywood so that I wouldn't have to fight traffic in the morning.


2. I spent some time waiting in line at the Chinese consulate for our EMBAs. The experience was actually quite rewarding. Here I was in the middle of L.A. and I had people look at me and move on to the next person in order to ask a question because I was the only one that didn't speak their language. Interesting really. How did they know I didn't speak (fill in the blank)? Is it that obvious?

3. Instead of driving all the way back to my office, I spent the afternoon downtown. I sat for a few hours and worked at the public library. I sat at a Starbucks that was nestled in the shadows of all the skyscrapers with the rest of the business professionals. And the best part ... they spelled my name right on my drink!!


4. I even managed to come across a bit of nature in the midst of the invigorating chaos of the big city.


I'm telling you. Yesterday was just one of those days that reminded me why I decided to move to a city that already had 11 million people. I felt completely alive and rejuvinated and was, consequently, more productive than most days I spend in my office.

I wonder what would happen if everyone were able to choose the environment they were most alive and work remotely from that spot.

Monday, July 16, 2007

I'm breeching insanity.

I have way too many ideas about how to move the organization I work for to the next level.

And my job is to catalyze those opportunities strategically.

I also have way too many options for causes in which to devote my spare time to at Mosaic ... areas that I'm currently passionate about because it all seems to fit into my vague vision for mobilizing leaders.

So what's a girl to do when all she needs to do is pick something and start moving forward, but she's afraid to pick something for fear that there is something more exciting looming on the horizon?

Have I written about this before? Do I really have this big of a commitment problem? How am I supposed to pave the way when I'm not patient enough to stick with one idea for longer than a few months ... weeks ... days?

I know something needs to be done. But what? What will I choose?

Ha. Maybe the question is ...

What will choose me?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Three years ago, in an auditorium with 8,000 other leaders, I heard Erwin McManus speak for the first time.

His words changed my life.

"Most of our lives are boring God to death. A hero is waiting to be awaken inside all of us and if you think you're talented enough, good enough ... you're not living out a big enough dream."

Finally. Something that resonated with who I was at the core. Finally my thoughts had been articulated in a way that I could never before explain to those around me.

Two years after that conference, I made the decision to move to L.A. to be a part the community that I had learned so much from.

Just this weekend, three years later, I was the worship leader for one of their morning gatherings. Even more paralleling, I had the opportunity to be the stage manager at our down town location - queing Erwin to enter the stage and breathe the same words I had heard in that auditorium in 2004.

It seemed my life had come full circle.

Miraculously interwoven into a moment that was far too large for me.

I met God this weekend in a very real way. As I stepped on stage, three moments flashed through my mind: The moment as I lay face down in my apartment in Wichita when I decided I wasn't going to stay where I was; the moment as I lay face down in my house in Long Beach when I declared I wasn't going back; and that very moment when I saw that, in my desperation, my decisions to move forward had brought me to a place that I couldn't have dreamed ... even for myself.

"Sometimes greatness is thrust upon us. When you follow Christ, He takes you to places that are too big for you. "

When I visited Mosaic a year ago for the first time (before I moved to L.A.), the band at played a song that I ended up doing back home later that week. It was, consequently, the last time I led worship in my home church.

This past Sunday as I stood back stage, my 13-hour day ended with the same song: In the roar of Your waterfall/In the storm of You/May You find me holding on/May You find me true/And I put my hope/And I put my trust/And I put myself in You/In You, Lord.

May this life continue to be an adventure full of moments that awaken the hero inside all of us.

Friday, July 6, 2007



It's my first Independence Day in California and I can't help but feel a bit cynical.

I'm in my favorite cafe in Long Beach, taking time to actually write in my journal, read and people watch. The word independence keeps buzzing through my mind. I can't shake it. So I get on my trusty BlackBerry and dictionary.com it.

in·de·pen·dence [in-di-pen-duhns]
1. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

Really? America?

Then I keep thinking: "Bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." What is that from? Statue of Liberty right?

I'm not sure America truly echoes this invitation as Lady Liberty does. I mean, it was a gift from the French so we probably couldn't take that phrase off of her giant tablet, but seriously people.

I'm sure we wanted to believe we could house the world's oppressed, until we realized our social reform programs were no incentive for them to contribute to the net gross product.

I wonder if ever there was a point when the heart of America beat for those that wanted a chance to dream? Were these words representative of the desires of our founding countrymen or merely token phrases to make ourselves feel better about who we are?

To dream.

It's a luxury I often, ignorantly, believe is at the forefront of the human imagination. And then I remember my friends across the world who find this day of no significance. Those who, perhaps have never had a dream of becoming an astronaut or rock star. Those who, instead of dreaming, are merely trying to survive.

Where dreaming is for kings and queens.

I sit today feeling a bit bitter sweet to be celebrating a right to question the motives and policies of the nation that gives me the freedom to dream.

I joined thousands of others, who have come from all parts of the world in hopes of a better life, to watch fireworks and I wonder ...

How free are we ... really?

Tuesday, July 3, 2007



For all of you who work for a church, are married to someone who works for a church or have volunteered in any kind of ministry ... you need to visit this site.

Anne Jackson (the beautiful author and visionary behind this project) is hoping to have 5,000 people take surveys between July 2 and August 3. Your input will contribute to current statistics about those in ministry. Oh, and it's completely confidential and secure and it only took me about 5 minutes to complete.

Thanks everyone!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Letting go of things that once seemed essential ...

"What happens as you grow and mature is that there are key moments where, as individuals, we realize that the things we thought were essential are not and we have to let go of it. It was handed to us, it was taught to us, we picked it up along the way and then we realized it's not the core. Central to forward movement are those moments when we have to recover the essentials that got lost along the way ...

To know where we're going, we HAVE to know where we've been. But it isn't enough for us to go back. How are we going to carry it forward?"

Rob Bell

I'm becoming more and more accepting of the fact that things aren't how they used to be. And that's a good thing. So, while I'm trying to figure out what about my past is helpful to my journey forward, I'm also recovering things that have been lost along the way. Who knows, these burried treasures may just be the key to unlocking a mystery that I was created to discover for this particular time in human history. :)