i really don't like it when things don't go my way. i'm sure that quality will come in handy one day if i want to be the world's most successful and most hated CEO (which is something i suppose i could aspire to when this whole character development thing gets too difficult).

i suppose it's because i spend so much time dreaming of all the different (ideal) outcomes for a given situation. i mean, really, it completely sucks when you've got the movie-esque plan in your mind and someone wakes you up and makes you face reality. I WASN'T FINISHED DREAMING!! it takes everything i have not to poke that person in the eye (ok, that's weird, but could you imagine if that's how someone retaliated? ha!).

the point is ... i consider myself a closet romantic. i'm the most realistic, serious and over-analytic person i know. but when i dream ... i dream big. and the thought of them not coming true ... not even a little ... crushes even the strongest strands of hope i have that tells me that my dreams actually matter to Someone. (which also means i'm way more weak than i'd like to admit)

i'm realizing that my initial reaction to not getting my way (you know, the throwing a fit part) is usually anger followed by quick decision to run away as fast as possible (as if i really want to run to people who are going to let me get my way ALL the time ... boring).

but now, there's something telling me to wait. to wait long enough for the anger to turn into pain and for the pain to speak of a lie i believed so long ago.

it's interesting to think that a little change of plans could cause such an internal eruption of emotions. but how nice to know that i don't need to poke out anyone's eye ... because really, this battle has nothing to do with them after all.