if you are a thinker ... you know how bad it sucks to walk around all day with your own brain. seriously. it's obnoxious. it's the reason i have a hard time enjoying well, anything really. it's the reason i am perpetually discontent and seemingly irritated (with overly analytical minds tends to come a scowl that intimidates and scares people).

take for instance my vacation last week.

by day 4, i caught myself thinking, "how many people died today while i sat here sipping my coffee and listening to locusts?" which, naturally (or unnaturally, depending on how you look at it), led to, "i'm a completely unproductive citizen of the world. i'm pretty sure i did nothing for humanity today that will eventually lead to significant change in years to come." ???

I'M ON VACATION!!!!

but that's me. i guess.

i told vince last night that i feel a little off. not sure how. couldn't really identify what my deal was, but i thought he should at least know that i wasn't quite feeling myself. i then proceeded to have a mini discussion in my mind (because honestly ... he doesn't need to hear me processing anything out loud. it leads to irritation and insanity on his end) and this is what i came up with ...

i'm suffering from an extensive vacation hangover which is leading to apathy thus contradicting my inherent nature of doing as much with as many people as possible. in addition, i seem exhaustively disconnected with the source of my energy and motivation thus feeling surprisingly unaware of what i'm passionate about and how to maximize my own potential.

in short. relaxation is not good for me because relaxation doesn't mean doing nothing to me ... although my stress level and heart rate would appreciate that. it means doing things that i really enjoy without the interruption of things i don't enjoy. good to know.

AND i'm not "off", i'm off-balanced. and that's ultimately awkward and weird and throwing my whole system off.

the end.