first things first:

1. yes, i'm ok ... apparently a 5.4 earthquake just shakes you up a little ... no massive injuries or damage.
2. i just so happened to change the radio station today in time to hear the dj say, "so you're at home babysitting your brothers and sisters this summer?" kid says: "yeah. it's not too bad." dj: "this is great practice for when you're a mom!"

what? really?

it was a christian radio station, so i understand where the lady was coming from. BUT, do we HAVE to assume that every woman is going to be a mother? honestly. i was secretly wishing this little girl would have responded with whitty charm and said, "i would agree, however, i'm thinking this is great practice for when i'm managing a team of 300 at a fortune 50 corporation." ha!

ok ... off my social conditioning soap box.

on to a more personal and humiliating topic: selfishness.

the definition: characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself

so, i don't like this definition because it seems so unlike me (or who i think i am). but last night ... i was a total jerk.

i agreed to go to a screening of a feature film to support a girl who i know through vince and his family. she's a really cool person who is ridiculously talented in the production area of film. for some reason, i didn't think that it was going to be a full-length film ... an hour and a half ... and i didn't think (for some reason) that is was going to start at 10 p.m.

now, like most people, there is a point in the night where i start to lose energy and all willingness to be social. but, since my emotions are usually written all over my face, this become very obvious to EVERYONE when that time hits AND i'm not enjoying myself.

not a good combo.

after the film was finished, we waited around for another hour chatting and such and i just got increasingly more antsy. i was tired. i had to be up and at 'em really early. and the film wasn't that great so i was just thinking, "this is such a waste of my time."

then vince and i were in the car and he said, "yeah, the film wasn't that great, but i have to commend her ... she wanted to make a feature film and she did. i haven't even done that."

here i was, complaining about what an inconvenience this whole situation was for me, when i was there to celebrate the fact that someone in this city actually saw their dream unfold before their very eyes ... on the big sreen.

the sad thing is, she has no idea that there is a God that may very well have created her to produce films that matter. she has no idea that her dreams have the potential to change the course of humanity ... with one blockbuster film. she doesn't care about the story line right now. she just wanted to make a feature film. but what if i got over myself for one second and realized that i had the power to speak into her life, in that moment, and call her to something much bigger than even this great accomplishment?

what if i manifested my concern and care for everyone BUT myself ... moments like last night would become my reason for living, not my reason to keep other people from living the life they're so certain they were created to live.