more growing pains

it's the day after christmas and i realize how much things have changed in the past few years.

it used to be a non-negotiable that i would be spending christmas eve with my grandparents and my father's side of the family and then spend christmas morning with my mom.

that is ... until last year. i experienced my first christmas eve and christmas morning away from my family. in my entire life.

i made it to kansas the week before christmas ... just long enough to see my grandma's incredible display of christmas goodness around her home, help my mom bake her famous peanut butter cups, catch a little whiff of frozen air and make my way back to l.a. in time to finish my thesis for grad school.

it was terrible. i felt like i was missing out on something important. i felt like things were finally changing in my life since moving to this great city. and it hurt. the loss of tradition, easily accessible family members and weather below 60 degrees at a time where people sing of white christmas' (and not in reference to smog). oh, and not to mention a friendly, "merry christmas" from store clerks. that's not allowed here ... you may offend someone.

this year was supposed to be spent back home again, but things didn't work out. so i decided this was my chance to bring the traditions from home that i love to my new home in california (which i realize after this week is more true than i've ever acknowledged. my home is becoming more indicative of l.a. than kansas these days and it's time to embrace it and begin blending the two).

i baked like there was no tomorrow for my friends and family here since they don't have the privilege of tasting my mom's christmas treats. i decorated the new home with vince in the best holiday decor i could muster in honor of my grandma's winter wonderland in kansas. and i said merry christmas to people in the store. not because i am forcing my beliefs on them or intentionally disrespecting them ... but because that's what it is ... christmas. just like other days that have been designated "national holidays." like fourth of july, new years day ... thanksgiving. and because it's important to me to remember who i am and where i came from.

and thanks to technology, i was able to open gifts with my family on christmas morning from vince's parent's house over web cam. :) this year was a great reminder that i'm growing up and starting a home and a family of my own ... and it doesn't have to be heart wrenching. it just takes a little chocolate, a nice tree, remembering what the celebration is all about and a web cam or two to make things just the way they were supposed to be.

so i sit the day after christmas enjoying what's left of my first "real" christmas tree and playing my last board game with vince (because i refuse to lose again) and smiling that this year was a success. here's to a new year of merging traditions and creating new ones!