my contemplative end-of-the year thoughts

Today’s unexpected dreary, rainy and relatively brisk weather provided the perfect platform for me to sit and reflect on the year that has been and the year that is to come.

Nothing significantly earth shattering comes to mind. Other than, of course, the impending changes that are about to take place in my life whether or not I’m prepared.

As I mentioned a few entries ago … major changes needed to be made in my life in order to experience sustainability in the future (and by future I mean … tomorrow). I’ve been bitter and angry for a while … (clarification, since about sophomore year of college) … and while I realized the problem was that I haven’t been comfortable in my own skin since … it never occurred to me that I had the power to change it.

Ok. Ok. I knew I had the power (I'm not a complete idiot), I just didn’t want to admit that I was the problem all along (now THAT'S stupid - and highly inefficient). It was so much easier to point fingers since others were so obviously more ignorant and destructive.

But I’m tired. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of being what everyone else thinks I’m going to be. And most of all, I’m tired of spending most of my days thinking that I’m capable of being a much better human being.

SO. I quit my job. Mainly because I was spending 9 hours a day in a place that fostered my negativity not to mention the 2 hours a day I spent getting there. Not good.

I decided to start my own company. Crazy right? In these bleak economic times little ol’ me thinks she can pay rent and eat off of brilliant branding solutions for other crazies who are also starting businesses in these again, “bleak economic times.” But I started thinking … maybe I’m onto something. Maybe people just need to see that SOMEONE is willing to step out there and start moving things forward. Maybe businesses could use a little boost from an energetic Gen Yer who has some decent ideas and can at least promise to stir things up a bit. Maybe people just need to stop saying business isn't going well and start saying, "we're working on some really innovative ideas that will change the course of our company forever." Maybe. Even if I end up being wrong, I feel it’s worth a try. A little insanity mixed with a drop of hope never hurt anyone.

I've also mentioned spirituality recently. Definitely a focus for the new year. I haven’t completely given up my love for dropping a few cuss words here and there, but I definitely feel more peaceful and arguably less irritable. I know God (particularly Jesus) isn’t for everyone, but He works for me. So I’m going to roll with Him for a while and see how it goes. So far so good.

And probably the most notable. My upcoming nuptials. I’m not gonna lie, life has been a little awkward for me since meeting Mr. Right. I find myself being genuinely … compassionate … lovey … and (gasp) affectionate. He would argue that these things could use a little (a lot of) work still (to which I would agree), but the mere fact that it’s occurring at all is nothing short of a miracle for me. Do you remember my post millions of years ago about being a closet compassionate? Well, I’m more prepared this year to unleash the beast. It isn’t happening overnight folks, but at least I’m being more intentional about embracing it than fighting it. You should be proud.

I think that pretty much sums it up as I watch people cringe with each tiny rain drop here in downtown L.A. Oh the poor tourist look like the apocalypse is coming (raining in L.A.?! That NEVER happens on TV!). All this to say, I’m a little nervous about 2010. Things are going to be a little uncomfortable for me (including perhaps a switch to proper capitalization on my blog), but I’m excited for the challenge. If I think of anything else worth saying before we are thrust into the new year … I’ll be sure to let you know. For now, I’m signing off and wishing you all the best! Ciao!