before moving to l.a. i went to movies occasionally . and when i say occasionally, i mean maybe five times a year. to be honest, even after living here for a year, i had only seen one movie in the theater.

until ...

i met vince.

his passion for films has left me craving the experience of velvet reclining seats, surround sound, the smell of buttery popcorn and the thrill of watching the curtain open. i'm even starting to understand why getting in opening night is so much more exciting.

people stand in lines for these nights. long ones. it seems completely irrational. crazy. maybe even a bit obsessive.

but i joined the wackos last night. when the shows were selling out last week for indiana jones ... the only option left for opening night were tickets at 3:30 a.m. and we just had to take them.

it was magical. justice was done to my fond memories of indy running through ancient ruins and dodging giant balls of stone, all while swinging from random vines, cracking his whip and somehow managing to keep that silly hat from flying off.

the best part of this morning was waiting for him to come on screen for the first time ... and when he did ... (cue theme song) ...

ahh. nothing like the good ol' days ... when the good guy always wins, adventure is lurking around each corner, whit (and the occasional cheesy line) are ramped and robust orchestral compositions accompany you each step of the way.

so ... thank God for new passions. thank God for spielberg. and thank God the writer's strike is over. here's to the resurrection of the cinema experience!

there is this person in my head … she is brilliant, capable. she can create paths that lead others to greatness and fight for what they deserve.

she’s a really good leader. maybe even a great one.

she’s me. only so much better.

it’s been a good day. maybe even a great day.
i was a good business woman. even when it was hard. i was the me in my head.

it was a moment when i thought, “i can’t do this.”

i can’t do this alone.

but i closed my eyes and i imagined myself doing it. and i did. i blocked out the fear. And i did it.

i became the person i’ve been waiting for someone else to become for me. i fought for what i believe in. what i deserve. what is right.

today. i found myself.

:: inspired by grey's anatomy ::

van gogh on facing a blank canvas:

"just slap anything on when you see a blank canvas staring you in the face like some imbecile. you don't know how paralyzing that is, that stare of a blank canvas is, which says to the painter, ‘you can't do a thing’. the canvas has an idiotic stare and mesmerizes some painters so much that they turn into idiots themselves. many painters are afraid in front of the blank canvas, but the blank canvas is afraid of the real, passionate painter who dares and who has broken the spell of `you can't' once and for all.”


before last night, i had never heard the van gogh's story. but now, i walk with confidence that one more of the world's most dynamic individuals grappled with the same questions and ideologies that i'm encountering. more importantly, i'm reminded today that creativity and innovation always leads me closer to the heart of God. and the more illogical and unconventional the creation ... the more clear it is to me who He is and why i'm here.

if ever your will starts crashing down
whenever your world starts crashing down
whenever your world starts crashing down
that's when you find me.

lost till you're found
swim till you drown

know that we all fall down
love till you hate
strong till you break
know that we all fall down

i'm there. wishing i could say i knew exactly who i am, why i'm here and where i'm going. i've ignored that i've gradually lost hope in everything i was once so certain of. my life has been undoubtedly wonderful this past year, but i have become increasingly aware of the deterioration of my soul and instead of dealing with it, i've misplaced the fear so that i don't look like i don't have it all together.

i have now joined the masses in a search to find God. hoping that everything i once put so much stock into, turns out to be the answer after all. and in the meantime, hoping with all that i have, that those i need most will show mercy in this part of my journey.

strong till you break ... the facade is over. we all fall down.

even though i don't live in hollywood's notorious hills, i have grown accustomed to the ways of the "industry" and the free spirited, creative nature of those who flock to the great city of l.a.

but this week i find myself on another hill ... THE HILL ... capitol hill.

as i've mentioned several times, i'm an activist at the core and always will be. here, i am surrounded by my eternal love for law and policy (both of which have made their way out of the great city in which i now reside) and am finding myself surprisingly energized by this completely different expression of creativity.

i have walked through hallways of some of the nation's greatest minds.
peered over the same land that some of our nation's greatest movements began.
stood on the exact stone that men and women i admire have spoken words that have touched even my generation.

just today, i was sitting in the supreme court, staring with a child-like wonder at the justices as they delivered a decision. i flinched each time the court marshall pounded the gavel and wondered if the others in the room felt as priveledged as i to be among individuals of such influence. as we left the court room, we quickly found ourselves in the board room of a think tank, spending hours interacting with top researchers of policy reform.

nerdy, i know.

but this is what i live for.

to better understand. to gather enough facts to make an educated decision. to solve problems and think strategically. to be around brilliant minds who want nothing more than to make a significant impact in human history.

there is something about this hill that is invigorating. not more or less than the other, but certainly a timely reminder that there are more ways, than simply those in which we are most familiar, to change the world.

i'm not usually a huge fan of running.

my resperatory system can't really faciliate the activity and my brain doesn't have the capacity to convince the rest of my body to keep going longer than the length of a maroon 5 song.

but i'll tell you, when it comes to relational conflict where hearts are on the line (particularly mine), i'm willing to run a marathon as long as it's in the opposite direction of the problem.

my past tells me that running is necessary in certain instances. but it's becoming a blurry line now that i'm actually trying to start a new life with someone who needs me to trust him. that doesn't come easy for me within the vulnerable context of relationships where i actually have something to lose. my roommate says that God has a good sense of humor and that He knows if i have something to lose, i'll listen.

i say i should just get more stilletoes ... i can't run as fast in those.

hey, it never hurts to have reasons for new shoes ...

but on my way to mall ... i should probably start thinking about what it's going to take for me to stop running. otherwise, this could end up costing me more than i want to spend ...

and it's a dang good friday too.

things are changing for the better for me and i couldn't be more thrilled. more on that next week.

now that i've accomplished something significant for the week, i think i'll go to korey's, paint my toenails, have some popcorn, giggle about girly things (even though we're so not admitting to it) and venture to LA LA land to wrap up some laundry. THEN, it's bedtime. i'm predicting a full-on coma around 10 p.m.

so here's to getting a few things done in the world ... :) happy friday!