sometimes we just need to let it all out.
sometimes we have no idea what we're doing or where we're going.
sometimes we think we have it all figured out and then ...

sometimes we need to paint our nails.

yep.

tonight i made myself dinner. it was amazing.
i opened all the windows and let the warm breeze bring a scent of the ocean into my living room.
i watched a few Friends episodes and then decided it was time.
i dug through a hidden box and found an assortment of colors for my neglected nails. choosing oh-so-carefully my evening chick flick, i walked back to my bed, popped in Mona Lisa Smile and began to paint. fitting for the movie and quite liberating.

it's interesting what a few coats of nail polish will do for a woman. i instantly felt incredibly feminine and surprisingly beautiful. a sense of tradition swept over me as if i were carrying on a legacy by putting the deep crimson paint on the tips of my fingers. it's as if i went back to a time when women were twirled around on a dance floor, poised and articulate while, at the same time, redefining gender roles. one by one stepping out to pave the way for girls like me to sit without guilt that i'm doing the same for future generations.

"look beyond the paint. let us try to open our minds to a new idea." MLS

i couldn't help but think, as tears ran down my face, that the choices i make are in hopes that i am making a difference. this past week was exhausting and sometimes i wonder how long i'll be able to move forward on my own. sometimes i wonder if the sacrifices are worth the unknown outcome. sometimes i crave romance and to be treated like a lady ... to be pursued. and then i wonder, if i hadn't painted my nails tonight, would i even remember that there is a part of me that still believes someone out there wants to protect, love and support me in this adventure i've already begun.

either way, i go to bed tonight open to new ideas and dreams.

tonight, i go to bed a bit more hopeful than when i woke this morning.