in a desperate attempt to finish my thesis, i have come across information that i seemed to have overlooked (or completely skipped) in one of my earlier classes.

i'm currently working on a section that analyzes a leadership scenario through peter senge's learning organization model. and i came across a tidbit of information while reviewing his book (the fifth discipline) that i seemed to have missed ...

"a more daunting form of resistance is cynicism." - [my number one talent]

"in combating cynicism, it helps to know its source. scratch the surface of most cynics and you find a frustrated idealist - someone who made the mistake of converting ideals into expectations. for example, many of those cynical about *personal mastery once held high ideals about people. then they found themselves disappointed, hurt, and eventually embittered because people fell short of their ideals."

does this resonate with anyone else but me? this nearly made me collapse this morning when i was highlighting portions that i wanted to make sure i added to my thesis. why was this not highlighted before? i seriously must have skipped this chapter. or maybe it was meant to be that i spent time reading it today ... because it probably wouldn't have been as relevant. (btw, this happens a lot with me as i live in a very creative city, with a lot of people who don't value structure ... something i find crucial to existence as an ENTJ)

he continues ...

"o'brien used to point out that burnout does not just come from working too hard. there are teachers, social workers, and clergy who work incredibly hard until they are 80 years old and never suffer 'burnout' - because they have an accurate view of human nature, of our potential and limitations. they don't over-romanticize people, so they don't feel the great psychological stress when people let them down."

i still don't feel like this excuses mediocrity. nor do i feel like i will ever get to a point where i don't have a value for excellence and efficiency. but it does make me more aware of the expectations i put on other people who don't share the same set of values. and it places the responsibility back on me to make sure i am continually learning how to see my current reality more clearly.

here's my struggle, however: what about those who are leading me? shouldn't i expect more of them? shouldn't i desire that they are more "together" - not perfect - but certainly not average? and worse, what about the expectations i hold of myself as a leader? will i ever be able to give myself a break and realize my own limitations?


*personal mastery is the phrase we use for the discipline of personal growth and learning. people with high levels of personal mastery are continually expanding their ability to create the results in life they truly seek.